Geek!

I wasn’t really going to write another post for today but when I gave my views a quick check and saw that they were already over 100 for today then I thought I should entertain the masses with my thoughts.
Well it could be entertainment or just interest, I honestly have no idea – it’s up to you to interpret this blog however you want.

This post has been sitting open for a while now because I was supposed to be revising. Of course, when I try and get into ’study’ mode my brain suddenly becomes distracted by anything.
I found a blog written by a bunch of facebook engineers and it just sucked me in. I ended up reading for an hour about code, efficiency, structure and design. It was all really fascinating to my geeky side and normally I wouldn’t of had the patience to take it all in but like I said – anything is better than revision.

I can sit and learn about coding for days but put a maths textbook in front of me and I’ll have tuned out within half an hour.

So that led me onto coding, inventing and being creative within a programming environment. It turns out Facebook are quite relaxed with their engineers and let them do whatever they please as long as it has a chance of improving the website/company. So I found a nifty little icon that sits at the top of my screen, notifying me of the latest updates.. My emails, facebook and twitter updates all show up in a uniform interface without me ever having to open a web browser. It’s all about efficiency.

So now that I had started my geeky rampage I figured I might as well continue. It was then on to my own computer and having a poke about there. You can speed up your computer by a good 20% by just getting rid of the things you don’t need so I was on a bit of a clean up.
The main cause of my concern was my memory footprint – or how much free RAM I have to play with. I do plan on installing more in the near future but for now I’d rather not spend money that I don’t necessarily need to.

Anyways, I recompiled a couple of programs, made a couple of tweaks and redirected a couple of kernel commands.
The result is this.

Click for bigger.

That would be a list of my currently running programs, how much processing time they are taking up, the number of different instructions each one is carrying out (threads) and the amount of RAM each one is sucking up.  I think I’ll configure Firefox to flush its registry on a regular interval though, it tends to leak memory the longer I leave it open.
I’ve now got a spare 800MB to play with so that gives me more opportunities to mess around in Garageband, expect an awesome beatbox remix soon!

I realise this post has been far too geeky for most people to even bothering to finish reading it but this is what happens when I’m forced into a revision situation.
Now that I’ve cleared my head (for now) I can hopefully get some work done.

Cheerio.
x

Part B

Well ‘the plan’ is still in full effect.

I’ve done nothing, I promise.
My attitude and things I would have said have rubbed off onto others though.

Man, was I fucking arrogant.
x

Equilibrium

1. A condition in which all acting influences are canceled by others, resulting in a stable, balanced, or unchanging system.

It’s my word for today, I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself to think about it.
Does the definition sound familiar to anyone?, because it should.
I’m just thinking to myself that it’s fairly bad form to write a ‘because’ after a comma (same with an ‘and’) but I suppose I can write however I please. I do like to be correct though.
Back on subject!, whoever is reading this should think about it too, seriously.

Anyways, some lyrics have been in my head all day and it’s been weird because it has been the actual lyrics rather than the song. It’s hard to describe but I don’t have the tune playing in my head, just these words that I end up reciting to myself.
I’ll give you a preview, go find the rest for yourself if you really want to know what’s going on in my head.

Now you’ve grown a lot
and your dresses don’t fit right
Daddy’s not a hero
he stole your chariot

So here you are in pieces
trying to prove to us it’s real
The softness of your smile
and the lies you want to feel

The best bit comes next.
So right now I’m trying to find a happy-medium – for school work and my life.

I think I’ll start off with getting some more sleep. Too many late nights speaking to people.
After that… well I haven’t thought that far yet.

Update later.
x

Harmony

I don’t know why but I seem to be the middleman for a lot of things. People seem the channel their emotions through me because they can’t expose them to who actually needs to see it.
You’d be surprised at the amount of hatred going about and who hates who, I’m the one that knows about it all and just has to keep going and try to get on with everyone (well, almost everyone).
If I dislike somebody then I’ll be friendly and civil when I see them simply because I have no real reason to dislike them. It may sound bitchy – acting differently about them – but if I dislike somebody it’s probably because they have ‘one of those faces’ and that’s no real reason to be hostile. You can be sure if I have a ‘real’ reason then I’ll make sure I don’t hide anything.

Anyways, a lot of people aren’t like this and I’m the one that has to jump between, listening and staying neutral.
I fail to understand why everyone just can’t get along sometimes but I suppose everyone is entitled to think what they want.
I suppose it’s just one of those things that everyone has to deal with.

So apart from my random meanderings I’ve had another awesome weekend. I’ll update my smile page when I find some time because after all, Sunday equals a homework day. While I’m at it I’ll update Thank you aswell. I like to keep things up to date.
I should be sad about my complete lack of money now but I’ve bought myself a haircut, 4 t-shirts, 3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of boxer shorts, trainers, a decal for my laptop, a headphone adapter, a couple of good weekends and a few other things that aren’t ready to be mentioned.

It’s all good times here, despite all the negativity hanging about it’s how I handle it that matters.
Cheerio.
x

Off Limits

Yup, I’m drunk again and quite frankly, I’m in the mood for having a fair old rant and spilling a few things.
The little voice in the back of my head is telling me to play it safe though so I’m going to go with this.

Just shut up and listen okay.

x

Ready to Roll

I’m in the sort of state where I shouldn’t really be allowed to write all over the internet.
Luckily I have a built in spell checker in my operating system, my internet browser and on my actual blog so you’ll be lucky to see any mistakes when it has to go through 3 stages of checks.

I”ve been getting a lot of coverage lately and I don’t really have a problem with it because people get to know the real me. I’m more than aware that I give nothing away when I’m around people and I also know that you’re more likely to know what’s going on in my life by reading this blog than actually speaking to me.
Of course, there are a select few people that know stuff that I don’t mention on this blog.
I need them, for advice and for their friendship and that has no place all over the internet.

Anyways, I had a rather good night tonight because I have no fears anymore. I don’t need to be drunk (although it helps) to speak to strangers and I will have a damn good time getting to know new people.
I’m just building my way up the ladder of happiness – it’s taking me a while but I’m getting there, slowly but surely.

Thanks all, you know who you are.
x

We could sing our own

Right now I’m lazing back, listening to some early Paramore coupled with some Mumford and Sons.
I’m already wearing my clothes for tonight but that’s only because I went for an early shower.

I had a haircut today and that means cut hair down my back and that equals itchy times. I can’t stand that feeling so as soon as I got in I had to jump in the shower.
Anyways, it’s the first time I’ve felt quite smartly dressed. Yes. I could just wear a suit and be ‘properly’ smart but I mean in the way that I want to be smart. Decent clothes, trainers that I like and a new haircut is making me feel pretty good.

I’m just waiting for something to eat and then I can go spend some money on a good drunken time.
Shopping tomorrow to buy some new shiny things, it’s all good times.

It doesn’t get any better than this.
x

Punch

I’ve been craving for an intelligent conversation with someone all day and I still am.
I don’t know why but I’m getting sick of my register class and their borderline racist jokes or the type of conversations that are just abusing or gossiping about people. I can’t be bothered to come home to arguments or more constant reminders to tidy up.
This sort of stuff happens everyday and I don’t know why today should be any different but I need someone to talk about things that matter in the real world, not just who was fighting at school today etc.

Anyways, I guess I’m not in the best of moods but that can’t really be helped. I’m feeling kind of mixed up right now but I need to get it out of my system. It’s the best for the long term – honestly.
You learn from past experiences and how to apply yourself for the same in the future.
I have and I am.

“Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I’ll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind”

Catchee, post later.
x

Me

Hi, I’m the guy who goes about with a bright orange hoodie on.
The one that owns the crazy flamboyant trainers and has pink headphones when I could have quite easily got any other colour.

I am the person that has a couple of girls bracelets on my wrist and will say how good an item of clothing looks when everyone around me will remark in disgust.
If you need a drunk guy to dress up as a bunny rabbit – well, you’ve found one.
In case you were wondering; I needed new shoes, the pink ones were (slightly) cheaper, I was given the bracelets and alcohol affects me in strange ways. Then again, I shouldn’t really need to explain myself.

Yes these things make me sound extremely stupid and something to laugh at but that’s not the case.
I want to be my own person and if I want to do something you better be damn sure it will be done. I’ve stopped caring what people thought about me a long time ago.

I want to be me. Not some kid that falls into some specific group (indie, scene, etc).
I’m inventing my own style as I go along and I’m completely okay with it, if I want to wear colourful shoes or even think about wearing a hoodie that was originally made for girls then I will.
Yes I’ve thought about it but I think I’ll draw the line and stop there before I become a proper cross dresser.

Anyways, the point I’m trying to make is that I’m me. Not someone you can judge and hope that I somehow fall into an ‘acceptable’ group.
You can jog on.
And since I’m so chuffed with my trainers you can have a picture:

Mmmmm, rainbow.

There.
Rant over.
Catchee.
x

Protected: I hate?

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Colourful

“You can ask someone about their business, nine times out of ten when they won’t want to say it’s because they’re the cause of it.”

That there are the words of my piping instructor. My lesson is 2 hours every week but today we spoke for more than half of that. He’s a wise man and I could sit for days and listen to him. Hell, I even asked him about some things – his view on the world and how the handles situations inspires me.

Anyways, it was a fairly big coincidence that the topic of anger came up when I was actually feeling it, it originally started with how you shouldn’t be mad at yourself if you make mistakes (while piping). As usual though, it grew out of that into a much more broad life lesson.
So my instructor told me, don’t forget about it like people will generally recommend you to. Sit on it and wait about for another time.

“By making yourself angry all the time you are making yourself tense, losing energy, physically and mentally. Set a time and place for your anger.”

So that’s what I’m doing.
The place will be pretty public – like I said before, maximum exposure.
As for the time?, well, this week that’s for sure.

Grim.
x

Hold Our Breath

I’m learning a little lesson lately.
It’s one of those moments where you think about something and then all of a sudden it’s happening all the time.
Of course, it’s always been happening but your only just noticing it because you thought about it.

Anyways, I’m getting straight to the point. For now and forever.
Quite frankly, I’m done dicking about and I’m fairly sure I proved my point today.

Then again, I’ve got other people to thank for this mindset. A lot of people put up with a lot of crap that they really don’t have to. Only now is the penny dropping that we have months left before we start all over again. I don’t care if I cause a mountain of enemies because I’ll never have to see their face again.

Thanks to the people that have shown me this – you’ve already been mentioned.
Relentless doesn’t even begin to describe where I’m going with this. I think I held my promise far longer than I ever had to.

I finally found some Paramore stuff  on Youtube from their EP. Part of me wishes that they had stuck to this style a little more. I quite enjoy the screaming. Just when I thought I had gotten over my obsession I go back to the early stuff and it’s like rediscovering them.
Ah well, it’s all good times.

More of the same tomorrow.
x

Flex

Well today was eventful and more than likely going to cause a stir.
The thing is, I apologise for nothing.

Yes, I sometimes do things that are completely unlike me and to be honest, even I don’t know where they’re coming from but you can be damn sure that I mean everything behind it.
There are no regrets because I’m not lying to myself or others when I do these ‘unpredictable’ actions.

I understand that other people can’t help but get sucked into this ever increasing black hole and there really is no way to avoid it.
There are always going to be two ’sides’ but the difference is I’m being as open as I possibly can. If you ask me a question you can be damn sure you’re going to get a straight answer.

I’m not a liar.

x

Back On Form

Up.

You will probably want to click on the picture for the full size version.
This is by no means an accident.

I decided that it’s now time to open the floodgates.
It’s the start of a new week, a new offensive push.

I’m going for maximum exposure here, I know far more than the current 200.
You watch, it’s happening.

x

Return

It’s a Sunday which of course means that I’ve left all my homework to do today.

I don’t care though – this weekend was epic no so many levels that I would happily force a full day of work onto myself for the amount of fun I had.

Ending up at randomers houses, waking up wearing bunny ears/tail, eating chicken curry and yorkshire puddings, going drinking with my Dad and his mates and Nathan and I becoming local legends on the karaoke.

There has been far too much that has went on to remember but I’m getting there. It turns out alchohol doesn’t aid the memory.
It looks like my smile page will be getting a major update and I think I’ll do the thank you page too. It was getting a bit stale and there’s a few more names that I need to add.

I should probably do something productive now but I shall leave with this:

I now love early Paramore. I could show earlier but they don’t have any videos for their EP’s which is a bit of a bummer.
Ah well.
Cheerio.
x

Prevalent

A very late night post tonight(3AM) because I’ve been awake doing some thinking.
Yes I was in company right up until 15 minutes ago but some people are presumptuous enough to think that if I close my eyes and don’t speak that must mean that I’m passed out – giving them a free pass to speak about anything they wish.

Well that wasn’t the case, nobody remembers that I’m most awake in the middle of the night. I hear and see everything but to be honest, I’d rather not participate.

I don’t think I’m cut out for this teenager lark at all. Yes it’s a lifestyle based on sex, drugs, drink and rebellion but I just can’t force myself to be like that. Don’t get me wrong – I do enjoy drink and the occasional rebellion but I know when to stop. I’m not a little angel that can do nothing but good.

I just know when I’ve had enough – of everything.

I have morals that nobody else around me seems to have, I know when things (or people) are out-of-bounds and I know when things are inappropriately out-of-order. I know there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed and I now know that trying to advise people to live by the same morals will make me come across as a dick.
Like I said, nobody seems to understand that being a good guy is much more than being friendly and polite.
It’s also knowing when to say no and not cave into these silly teenage cravings.

I don’t know, perhaps I’m just a one in a million that doesn’t feel the need to follow what my young adolescent brain demands at the time.
I love my friends and I wouldn’t change them for the world but sometimes they’re just… stupid.
My advice only stretches so far and then they’re on their own, making decisions for themselves and the majority of the time they go with their instinct – following their hormone fueled cravings.

It’s not a good thing and I really don’t like it.
I don’t know what a better alternative would be but a lot of lives were affected tonight, through some mindless, self-indulgent actions.

Good for you if you want to make the most of your teenage years. Go and blow the lot and not give a care but it’s a no thanks from me.
I’m growing up.

x

The Plan

That’s right, I have a plan.
It’s a secret one to a certain extent but if everyone I knew took the time to get together and piece everything I had told them together then it would be quite evident.
Fortunately, that’s never going to happen.

So I’m enforcing this plan right now in my life and it’s all working so far.
I’m a sly dog sometimes – when I want to be.

Tonight will be awesome – expect a late night post if I manage to find my laptop.
Cheerio
x

Phonies

Don’t ever tell anybody anything.  If you do, you start missing everybody.  ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 26 

J.D Salinger died today at the age of 91. Although I didn’t know he was still alive, his death has just reminded me that Catcher in the Rye was a book that blew my mind. I only read it because I had to for English but I found myself rereading it in my own time and I think I might again fairly soon.
According to Wikipedia (not the most reliable, I know) he wrote a lot of work that wasn’t to be released until he died.
I look forward to see what comes up.

Anyways, I’ll lighten the mood a little bit.
I’ve been cracking the jokes for a while now and I have no idea what’s brought it out in me. I guess I’m in a positive sort of mood that I want to infect onto everyone else.

---

A penguin is driving down the road, and his car breaks down. Being a smart penguin, he took it to a walrus mechanic that he knew. The walrus mechanic told the penguin that it would take about an hour for him to diagnose the problem with the car, and that the penguin should find something to do while waiting. The penguin decided to go across the street and get a vanilla ice cream cone. Now, the poor penguin didn’t have any hands, so while eating it he got ice cream all over his beak. After finishing, the penguin returned to the walrus mechanic to see what the problem was.

The Walrus said to the penguin “it looks like you blew a seal!”

To which the penguin replied “no no no, that’s just a little ice cream.”

And with that I bid you a goodnight!
x

Because I can

It’s been done before but I’m not going to get tired of it anytime soon. To be honest, I just like it because it gives me an excuse to do this:

J'adore.

x

Yummy

It’s been a good awesome day today.

Yes, things haven’t been spot on (still suck at music inventing) but it’s how I handle these situations that makes the difference.
It’s not like I don’t care, I just understand it all in a way I couldn’t have imagined of doing before.

Anyways, Apple had a conference today to show off their new tablet – iPad.
The whole event got me far more excited than it should have (geek) but I’m always up for seeing what sleek new product they have to release. Like I said, I’m an apple whore.
Give this a look and tell me that it’s not swish:

mmmmmmm

Yes I know it looks like a big ipod touch and that’s essentially all it is. It bridges the gap between a laptop and a phone and I love it. It can run the same basic applications  that the iphone/ipod touch can but it does the advanced stuff too like word processing and graphics editing.
It looks like a good thing to have on the go (book reader/newspapers/internet) and the price is more than reasonable at $499 but I think I’ll hold off until it’s hacked.

I don’t really have a use for one at the moment but if some hacker worked their magic to open up the possibilities then I’m all for it.
Sorry, I’ll shut up about Apple – they just make desirable stuff!

As for now, I’ve configured my touchpad gestures so I don’t have to touch the keyboard now (except to type), I’m going to have some toast and then settle down and try and do some revision for the first time in a long time.
It’s been an awesome day.

x

Today

Here’s my post.

I’ve just remembered how many people actually read this and quite surprisingly, I’m completely unfazed.
You’d be surprised how many times ‘that blog’ comes up in random conversation and I find out that I have another person that frequently checks up in what is going on in the life of Dean.

Every single time I’m told that I have a regular reader, I’m suddenly hit by this massive wave of self-consciousness and my mind sweeps through what they could have read and how it could have affected them.
About five minutes later, I forget about it and go on living my life.

However, it’s really nice (and sometimes surprising) to find out who’s in the know.
Hi Kelly!
See, that one was a bit of a shocker. Some people just don’t cross my mind sometimes, it’s funny how far my words can spread. I gives me a nice feeling at the same time though, it’s hard to explain.
Anyways, I’m going to find a decent video, watch Die Hard 4 and then eat some cheesecake that Nathan has just brought round.

Catchee.
x

Dormant

Stay out of my way.
Even the sight of you makes me want to kill.
I will never forget, even in years to come.

However.

Stay with me, forever.
Even the sight of you makes me want to live forever, just for your company.
I will never forget, even in years to come.

Don’t worry, they’re not meant to be vague.
You know, I know. It’s just a pleasantry to prevent the boo hoo’s.
It’s all done now, my life is amazing. The knock-on effects from this are clearly apparent.

Jog on now.
x

Marked

Lately (past 2 days) I had no idea what I was doing or feeling. It just felt kind of blurry and that I didn’t really have a reason to be feeling anything that I was.
I’m back on track though, it only takes a little motivation to get me going again. My life is no secret and I can guarantee every single one of my friends could find out everything they wanted about me if they made a little effort.
However, there is one thing (person) that will forever stay out of the public eye. I know how twisted and sick some can be.

Anyways, I’m a busy man right now.
I have things to do, people to meet etc.
Catchee.
x

Smile Indeed

The title is a reference to my smile list (at the top). It’s grown pretty extensively now to the point where I’ve forgotten about the ones that I had written when it had started. It’s nice to read back on it and reminisce.
I’ve also deleted my to-do list for now. I had a couple of things on there that I rather stayed out of the public eye. They’re my personal goals that nobody else really needs to know about. It might make a re-appearance but we’ll have to wait and see if these things happen.

Anyways, I’ve had another great weekend that was full of good times.
Actually, I can’t even explain what happened because I’d probably get into trouble – that’s how good it was.

A couple of things annoyed me aswell but I learn from these things now. It’s no worries over in this camp.
As for now, I’m trying to finish this massive music essay and buy some new headphones. My beloved sennheisers broke when I thought it was a good idea to wear them while running in the torrential rain. I only have my own stupidity to blame but at least now I have an excuse to get the skullcandies I’ve had my eye on for a while.
I’m not keen on the sound they produce (too bassy) but I’m a sucker for the aesthetics. Yes, I will be buying the pink ones.

Hi guys!

Another day, another smile.
x

Je veux ton revenge

I’m loving this.
Come and get me, I’m right here and not going anywhere anytime soon.

All work (talk) and no play (action) makes Dean a  dull (bored) boy.
x

Mr Easy

I’m not going to write much here because the weekend has arrived and that can only mean fun times.

It also means the people will be out tonight. A lot of people.

I’m ready for it because the all new Dean 2.0 can handle these situations and jump right in, talking to anyone.
Don’t worry because there are one or two things that I’m definitely not going to shy away from. Good and bad.

I just can’t wait for it.
Call it a finale if you wish.
Have a video to keep you occupied.

x

It’s Time

Well today has been great.
Every day of my life has been great for about 2 or 3 weeks now and I just wish I could live the rest of my days like this.
I love company, I love my friends.

Besides, my thought for today was about other people. Like, I looked at someone and wondered what they had going on their life and what they thought about on a day-to-day basis. This happened with about ten people today and I soon found my mind wandering.
It was weird because I’ve done this my whole life but today I just couldn’t keep my mind on it.

For example, one of my thought processes today was:
“It’s going to suck for them, they don’t know what to do really and I feel truly sorry for them. I should say something but I have other stuff to do first. I’ve got homework, need to go a run…”

And from then on my mind just rambles on and I completely forget what I was originally thinking about.
The difference now is, I don’t care.
Well I do, just more so about myself.

I don’t feel troubled by other people’s problems now and I can get on with my own life. Having a laugh and getting my head down to get where I want in life. It’s awesome.
You might be wondering what the last post was about? Well if I’m right (turns out I was) then the answer should have already been answered for you by other people.

Enjoy, ’cause I don’t care.
x

Dark



And the scales beneath your skin
are showing off today
There’s evil in your heart
and it wants out to play.

Good luck, you’l need it.
x

It’s the taking part…

Craig and I have a little saying when we play Crash Team Racing:

“If you’re not first, you’re last.”

I know it’s only a racing game for children but the meaning of that spreads out far wider in life.
In my book, coming second is as good as coming last because there’s nothing in it. A win means you have what you wanted, what you were striving for – and you’ve achieved it. Otherwise, you failed and you have gained nothing.

Ah, but wait...

But anyways, all of this is just leading me up to a (slightly contradictory) statement.
It’s the taking part that counts.
Yes, in life you may not get what you were out to achieve but at least you tried.
There’s a very large difference between people who don’t try (and inevitably fail) and those who do and come second. You may have won nothing but you still gained far more than those that never made the effort.

What I’m trying to say is that the events tonight should have made me disappointed, depressed me even.
It hasn’t, at all.

I’m happy, if anything.
I took part and even if I didn’t win, so what. I tried my goddamn hardest.
Cheerio folks.
x

Blossom on the trees!

Yeah, the title is from a song.
Yes, I have been singing that song around the house.
Yes, I am in an awesome mood.

It’s weird, I even surprise myself sometimes.

Today has (again) been full of banter.
We all (6 of us) had a good chatter later on and discussed who we would remove from our 6th year hoodies.
I’ll leave that one there.
However, I’m not going to do it because I can still remember where I had first seen the same principle. I’m not a hypocrite and never will be.

There hasn’t been a day in the last week where I have had a lonely night in. There is always at least 3 of my friends with me to talk, have fun or even just keep me company. It’s good times.

I’m more than happy to keep this guessing game going. I love it.

As for this ‘other’ patter that I’ve stopped mentioning so much.
Well,  I’m raring to go and so I’ll put a bounty on my own head. The prize?, well, nothing because nobody is going to give me a beating that’s for sure.
I’m calling people out. Now.

x

Bliss

You know, I thought I’d post again for today because lately I’ve been getting caught up in pathetic things that I really shouldn’t have.
I gather little bits throughout my day and they all have to take a step back for some stupidity from ignorant people.

However, I’m prioritising.

I briefly mentioned it before but school was good times today.
It’s just the fact that everything is coming about how it should have a long time ago. Last time I was this mad I was full of venom and rage and that got me nowhere. When I’m calm, explain my situation and show people what has happened in the past two years of my life – they understand and agree.

Anyways, 5th period study was a laugh. Of course, it didn’t actually involve any studying but I had a good time. The basis of this post was to share a little story we had collectively written as a group. I have also learnt my lesson never to include my name again.
I’ll add in who wrote what:

(Jennifer) One day, there was a man (Me) called Dean and he was awesome. However (Abbey) he had a big secret, (Emma) it was frightening how big this secret was! (Joanne) It was that big of a secret he talked to his friend Bob, (Ben) “I HAVE NO PENIS!” said Dean, then, Bob offered to give his own to Dean. (Sophie) Then they went to the magic castle and ate jelly and jake, it was good times. (Nathan) They then took turns wearing the prosthetic penis and regularly attended school shows, smiling. (Jennifer) One day, Dean admitted to Bob that he’d never wanted a penis anyway because he wanted to be a girl.
The end.

Yes, I learnt never ever include my name in a made up story again but this still made me smile. If you can’t laugh at yourself then who else can?
x

It’s coming up…

There wasn’t another post yesterday because I felt the one i had written for the day was pretty damn perfect.
I didn’t want to try to ruin it.

Well for today, don’t think I’m oblivious to how much I know this post means.
I could call peace in my life, drop everything and take a big dent in my pride. Then again, I could call all out war and destroy anyone that dares to get in my way.

This is what this post carries, a message of my frame of mind.
As it happens, you’re not going to get to know for now.

I went to school today and still keeping my friend’s advice in mind – didn’t say a word. It just so happens that the people who have pissed me off have also pissed off one too many people this time.
So now I can sit back and basically get the reports in of the mental psychosis that certain people’s attitudes breed.
It’s funny that when one person notices something, the rest come out of the woodwork and are suddenly not so scared to voice their recollections/opinion.

Plus there’s the fact that now people know I’ve distanced myself from crazy drama they’re much more willing to be a part of my life and I love it. I love the attention that other people would have once denied me.

Like I’ve said. I haven’t done a thing – this has come around through your own actions.
Come and show me what’s for, I’d love the chance to finally settle this ‘man-to-man’ – as would a few other people.
I’m not alone on this one – unlike you.

Abubye.
x

Not Yet

I’m a man of my word and I promised not to write anything regarding what’s currently going on in my life. Well the promise was only up until last night but I think I’ll wait it out for a day and see if this progresses any further before I take action and finish this shit once and for all.
For now I think I’ll post some lyrics. You should know by now that my choice is no accident.

For once my eyes are open to you, and everything you’ve said.
For once your web of lies is in the open.
I gave you everything I had, until I had nothing left.
And Still you act as if I’m just a burden.
I’ve finally let go.
Let go
Let go

Stay silent at least for now, and let me move on.
Cause I’m so done playing these games with my heart
I’ve been around the world and back for you, and now its time to choose.

I’ve been swallowed by this wreck that you call your life.
I’m damaged from the inside. I’ve been broken.
Don’t threaten me with what you think I feel.
If you could read my mind you’d be in tears.

I’m sick of your excuses you hold above me.
I’ve finally come to terms with what I am.
I’m nothing in your eyes, this will not change.
I’m living in a dream.

Stay silent at least for now, and let me move on.
Cause I’m so done playing these games with my heart
I’ve been around the world and back for you, and now its time to choose.

And I’ll close my eyes, and I’ll dream of a better time
when I’ll finally be past this and I’ll be happy on my own.
I’ve done all I can, still the one to been cast aside.
All I ever wanted to be was be the one who’d wipe those tears from your eyes.
But I guess I’ll play second best, to a world that will never care about you.
You’ll never understand you’re just another pretty face
You tell me that you care, and then you run straight back to him.
I can hear your voice of treason from a mile away.

You never did know how to whisper.
You’re such a liar. Tell me the truth.
You’re such a liar. Tell me the truth.
You fucking liar. Tell me the truth.
Do the world a favor stop cutting your arms, and slit your throat.

x

Alert

Yes I’m drunk, yes I’m writing on the internet.

I know that’s normally a recipe for disaster but I’m honestly a different person now.

I’ve had a good night tonight and I don’t need anything to bring me down.
I’m staying on this high.

The truth comes out when you’re full of alcohol  but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
There’s no way you’re getting anything out of me this time.
Farewell.
x

Body Language

“According to research, as much as 90% of our communication is conveyed through non-verbal cues – that is , through body language.  However, let’s face it, if someone walks up to you without uttering a word and kisses you passionately, that’s 100% communication through body language; the same would apply if someone walked up to you and slapped you on the face..”

I think that’s a pretty suitable opening for this post.
I like Friday at school because for the majority of the day I’m sitting in the common room. It’s good fun when there’s 50+ people around you to enjoy yourself with.
Then again, I’m not exactly Mr Popular (not really a loner either mind) so not everyone is up for conversation. That doesn’t stop me from observing though. If I’m stuck in a room with a few people for a couple of hours then of course I’m going to have a look around and see what’s going on.

Like the research paper said, a lot of conversation is based on body language.
Basically, I can listen in on a conversation without ever hearing a word.
I sat and listened to music today, more or less keeping myself to myself. When I was busy having a laugh I was looking out of my peripheral vision pretty much all of the time.

I can’t help it, its natural instinct for me to constantly check my surroundings.
Anyways, the little small movements say a lot more than words ever could. Other people may not pick up on the relaxed poses, tension, eye contact, wariness or even the mimicking of others movements but I catch them.
Other people do see these things aswell, I asked.

Read into it.

Not in the bitching about people who aren’t there way. I still keep my piping instructors words in my mind.
It’s a simple question of whether people notice the same things I do.
So the point of this post was to say that words can and always have multiple meanings but when it’s coupled with body language there’s no doubt about it’s meaning.

I could have reduced this post to insults and accusations quite easily but I think I’m mature enough (more so than others) to do that in person.
x

Ooooo

Today has been an amazing day for me, we all know why.

For once, I’m actually going to go through my day. I rarely do so nowadays but I need a little reminder for myself.

It all started when I woke up after a good nights sleep. I usually get more than enough sleep nowadays but this was the sort of sleep that’s undisturbed. The sort that knocks you out for the night and when you finally wake up you feel as fresh as a daisy.
Anyways, enough about sleeping – I looked out of the window to see a fair amount of snow on the ground and at the time I was pretty annoyed by it. We had just got ridden of the stuff and it was back but when I was walking to school I found it to be the best kind of snow!
The sort that is soft and perfectly moldable. You can pick a handful up, give it a quick squeeze and a have a good snowball ready to go. It’s better than that fine/gritty snow anyways.
Again, I should shut up about snow.

Physics was pretty terrible but then again it always is nowadays. I tend to blank out any crap in that class anyways. I still (try to) listen and get my work done but it’s always much more fun to have a laugh with Jerry and Jimmy. It’s pointless, we haven’t had a proper teacher for 3 months!
Music was pretty good, as always. There are more plus sides to it on certain days though.

The day continued with a massive snowball fight with us 6th year boys against first to fifth years. We were heavily outnumbered but got them all to scatter when we busted out the tactics.
Yes, I’m 17 but I will never grow out of the happiness that I get from a perfectly aimed snowball.

Double Modern Studies was in the computer room so that was a good chance to avoid a heavy bit of boredom/work and it was brightened up by the arrival of our sixth year leavers hoodies. I’m fairly chuffed with my orange one, it fits me well and I’m now part of the orange crew!
Your simply not cool if you have any other colour.

I got home, lazed about and then had a couple of decisions made for me. I give far too many chances as it is. Thanks Jamie for making this easy.
Promise, last time I ever mention or think about little miss so and so again.
All that jazz was soon replaced by someone much better anyways.

As for now, I’m chilling with some music and still wearing my big warm hoody.
Awesome stuff.

x

Finite Minds

I like my posts to be thought driven, you can tell when one comes along because it’s nothing to do with the people or events around me. It’s all on me.

I can’t force these sort of posts, they just hit me sometimes.
Most of the time it’s in the shower. I have no idea why but running water gets my mind wondering.

I shocked myself when I realised I have stopped becoming completely predictable, shy and self-retreating.
Of course, the opposite of that is an unpredictable, forward person that doesn’t care about their actions but that’s really not the case either.

I'll be surprised if you get this.

Not a long time ago, anyone could have guessed anything about me with a 90% chance of getting it right. Now it’s a different ball game. I thought it was because I was scared of being that vulnerable but it’s simply the case of being more intelligent. Knowledge is power and when people have power against you then it’s never a good thing.

I know for a fact I’ve had two or three sets of eyes on me over the past week. Analysing my actions is fine by me but I’m afraid there’s nothing there to see. I understand this forces people into making presumptions but it never stopped them before.
It doesn’t take genius to figure out what I’m trying to say here.

x

So and so

I forgot to mention it but yesterday I had a bagpipe lesson with a new instructor.

He was an elderly guy (late 60’s) and since the lesson was two hours long we had plenty of time for a chat. He had a teaching method of showing me something and then changing the subject, then recalling what I was originally shown. Since we had to change the subject often, he got around to how he lives his life and he told me a lot of things – the majority of which I agree with. For example, “What goes around comes around.”

Anyways, one thing he said was that if you ever hear anyone talking about anyone else in a bad manner when they’re not there then distance yourself from them immediately. He told me that the distance is up to my judgement but I shouldn’t be close with these people.
Mind I was told all of this yesterday and it stuck with me. So when this happened today (on numerous occasions) I immediately recognised it and stopped caring about who the person was talking about and more so about the person doing the talking.

I have distanced myself. I can keep quiet,  if I just sit there in the background I learnt a lot of things. Today in Music can be used as an example, yes I had headphones on but that doesn’t mean I suddenly became deaf.
It’s nice to know people can make their own judgements though – without my input.

So lesson learned for today, if you’re going to talk about people, say it to their face.
I do it, it’s not that bad.
Post later.
x

Self Explanatory

This post had a whole different form and meaning from when I had written it yesterday.

I spoke to Mikoo before.
I still have to hide asking for advice, I still find it difficult. It’s my pride okay!
He chilled me out a bit, I felt like I should be ashamed if I listened to all he had said and then go back on it. So I’m listening with an open-mind and taking everything into consideration.

Anyway, apologies mean nothing to me without actions. That’s it.
Nothing more shall be said.

It’s simply not worth it. For anyone.
x

Approaching Storm

Oh don’t kid yourself, it’s coming.

I’m off to see someone that makes me happy right now. Something I could never have had before.

Watch, listen, it’s relevant as always.

Back later.
x

Footloose

I’ve left my post for today quite late, I didn’t really mean to but I’ve had a hectic night.

Jerry came around, he doesn’t normally come around by himself but nobody else had shown up and I appreciated the company. I soon came across the daft idea to move my room around. I don’t really have a reason to but it’s nice to have a change now and then. Anyways, I’ve now concluded that my room has a lot of hidden crap, gets quite dusty and has a lot more floor space than I thought.

Out of place.

Right now, I’m typing on my bed, leaning against a wall. It’s strange and I feel slightly disoriented but it’s how my room was originally set out. I’ll get used to it eventually.

I think I’m finally making an impact too, sometimes your actions go unheard until you make a big statement. Well, I shouted and my voice was heard.
Time to go for a shower (covered in dust), catch up on this ‘Glee’ everyone is on about and chill with some Rock Band.

Ah, it’s been an awesome week.
x

Grateful

This weekend has been the best I’ve had in a long long time.

I’m not going into specifics because nobody needs to know all of my business, however, tonight was the icing on the cake. I haven’t enjoyed myself that much in a while. I would probably reveal too much if I was to tell yous anyways.

So right now – thanks to sledging – I have a busted knee, a very large bruise on my bum and I’m pretty sure my wrist shouldn’t be making the cracking noise it is.
I’m in nothing short of pain but I really couldn’t care less. I enjoyed myself and had the time of my life, that’s all that matters.

The thing that makes it all the more better is when I have a look at who’s visited my blog. My friends – who care and then those who are just out to make a complete fool of themselves.
I tell people everything in my life, I never impart my opinion or bias and I let them make their own decisions based on the cold hard facts. It’s quite unfortunate for some that there’s only one opinion you can get out of this whole situation.
That’s right – bat shit crazy.

Transparent

I’m going to enjoy school tomorrow because I can see through the façade.
My smile is real, I have something to fuel it.

I shouldn’t even need to ask if anyone is jealous, the people who are have already told me.
“They’re pathetic.” Damn right!
I’m out for now, should probably attend to some more important people/matters.
x

Never Too Much

I crack up at 1:21 to 1:28 every single time. You owe yourself that much to watch this video. There is just too much awesome to describe with words.
Yes, I will assemble every cool person I know to come and watch this with me when it comes out. I’ve already recruited 10+ people.

So that’s one small thing that’s fueling my smiles. The past couple of days have been too awesome to describe.
Honestly, it’s the small things that count and when every single, almost-insignificant thing goes right then they all add up and dump a load of happiness on you.

• Heard back from University, I know what I have to do now.
• My friends are available on call to come out at whatever time.
• Jamie has blocked me completely, for something as petty as me wanting to talk. I’m glad because I never want to associate with that kind of crazy again.
• We’ve brought up many many old memories. “When I say ‘rainbow’, we all jump him.”
• I have my eye on somebody new, they make me happy.
• Other people are catching this happiness, a smile is infectious.
• School is letting up, same work but at a more comfortable pace.
• Sledging is always fun, especially on black ice.

See, like I said, these things are very small but there’s 100+ more on top of these that is just making this the best week (end) ever. Yes I stole that line from Stephen’s twitter but that’s just showing that everyone is in this feel-good mood.

It’s awesome, more-so because it ends on our terms. Nobody elses.
x

Feel Good Inc

Yeah, title nails it in one.

First of all, I’ll post this:

Julie mentioned it last night and it took me ages to remember what the song was called. It turns out you can’t store information correctly when intoxicated.

Anyways, you may be wondering about my happy mood today.
I just had an awesome night last night, I drank far more that I should have but I had a good time and that’s all that matters. Best of all, I woke up this morning (with a small headache) checked the internet and saw there is nothing that I regret writing.
It’s weird how much of an insight you can get into someone elses life when they give you a five minute look at their ’social network.’
My suspicions were right as always, people really do never change.

Yes, I have just checked my IP logs aswell. Hypocrite.
No need to worry, it’s sorted.
There’s always another number 200.

x

Trapdoor

I was a bit bored before so since I’m a bit of a geek I thought I’d utilise it a bit for this blog.

So I thought I would do everyone a favour and keep this ‘lesson’ to a minimum.

I’ve set up a small script to track visiting IP addresses of this blog. I had a list already, this simply looks through them trying to find a match.
If a certain someone’s computer ( ) shows up on the list (I have the address from comments) then a pretty revealing comment gets posted somewhere and this cycle continues for however long this stupidity goes on.
I can’t be fairer than that, I’m having to deal with a daft level of hypocrisy and child like nature. So if I stay out of the way then you become your own worst enemy.

I don’t need it but when problems will try and hide themselves I’m more than happy to bring them out of the woodwork.
I know where this will end and I know how, secrets are quite hard to be kept when half of the town knows.

Good luck finding the text, yes I’m that confident.

x

Crescendo

I’m feeling kind of musical today.

Yes, I also realise I’m writing two a day now but that’s so I can write a normal one everyday. You know what the other one is for.

If you’ve been around me at all then you’ll know that this song has been in my head. Of course, since it’s me, this song isn’t in my head for no good reason. Lyrics and meaning mean a whole lot to me. Enjoy.

So now that I’ve got that out of my head (for now) I can get onto real life.
It seems that I haven’t written about my goings on in a while. Like I’ve said many a time before – when I’m having fun you don’t hear much about it (online).
There’s no use in being happy and alone. If I’m happy then you don’t know about it because I’m out there living it with my friends. Misery is different on the other hand – it encourages thought.

I’ve been sledging, talking, laughing, sleeping and walking.
It’s like my favourite activites all bundled up into one big constant holiday. I love it.

I’ve also noticed that my friends are more than happy to do anything for me if “it makes you laugh.” I never realised it before but that’s what I need them for. They’re amazing people.
I started this post musically, I’ll finish it the same.

You know the song by Phil Collins, “In the Air of the Night”
about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
but didn’t, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That’s kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it’s too late – I’m on a 1000 downers now, I’m drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped ALL of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can’t sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can’t sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can’t BREATHE without me.

A completely different theme of song but as always – relevant as ever.
Bubye.
x

Crack

Another post because I’m feeling pretty thoughtful lately.

I’m just giving school a bit of thought. It seems to be the same after every holidays.

Awkward.

Well not this time, problems crop up when I’m not there and then they’re just ignored when I go back to school. Quite frankly, it’s a bit of a joke.
First off there’s this business and since I clarified everything to everyone and basically sealed the deal then people are bound to talk. In fact I know people are talking and it doesn’t really bother me. It’s just the fact that I know these same people will not address me on the matter. I’m approachable, I’ve already proven that.

Plus there’s the fact that I feel like I’m forbidden to mention Jamie. It’s sad because even mentioning her name causes her to phone me and call me pathetic and to get her off my “shitty, pathetic blog.”
It’s a true fact that I would have dropped the matter as soon as I had finished that last post but when I’m provoked like that it’s out-of-order. I wasn’t aggressive and I said nothing to cause offense when I wrote that. I promised Jamie that I wouldn’t write about her like I did in the past and I will remain beside that. I’m not going to call her a cow or a bitch because she’s not.

She has however, pissed me off and if I want to get that off my chest then I will.
I dislike being treated like that, by anyone.

I’m not on some personal agenda to make everyone hate Jamie, in fact this has nothing to do with her. This blog is about how I’m feeling. Unfortunately, she was the one who caused it so her name is bound to come up – that can’t be helped.

Shes said herself she doesn’t like it when I’m happy. I just don’t need that sort of psychosis in my life.
Hence my usual repetition of “I don’t care” because I don’t care for nonsense like that, I do however care for her. She doesn’t like me writing these posts but they will continue until she sorts this madness out. If she finds them unpleasant enough then she’ll do something about her behavior. I don’t appreciate being told to fuck off over Facebook.

So yeah, my life’s pretty exciting at the moment.
Continue.
x

Uncomfortable?, nah :)

Yes I’m being relentless, I’m more than capable of realising that.

The difference is that I am doing nothing wrong.
Don’t like it?, sue me.

Anyways, I thought I’d go for a change and do a little quiz about myself. I’d normally leave these things to Facebook but I’ve done plenty of them there lately and I figured I’d actually try to give full answers this time round.

1. This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
Yeah, I’m not really touchy about anything.

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Well I’m a male so I’d keep my current second name.

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yeah, had a half decent sleep and off school.

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
This afternoon, dinger asking me if I was coming out later.

7. What are you excited for?
School to start again and squaring up to my problems. One at a time.

8. What were you doing yesterday?
I was out sledging, ran right through a fence too…

9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
Funnily enough it was Nathan, I wouldn’t take his word when he’s drunk though.

10. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
Fanta, from Subway.

11. Have a best friend?
Nope, it causes a lot of hassle when I have to rank my friends.

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
Nope, might aswell dive in head first and hope it’s a relatively soft landing.

13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
You’re a teenager up to 19 right?, then no.

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
Dinger, called me a wanker because Craig/Nathan/Wee Dean were mucking about on the phone to him. It’s sorted now though.

15. What’s the time is it right this second?
6:16 pm and 32 seconds.

16. What do you want right now?
Some food, quite fancy some chicken dippers.

17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Caitlin was beside me last night when I made an awesome snow angel and had to keep the moment forever.

18. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
Single.

19. When was the last time you cried?
I think it was the 28th (?) of December.

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Yeah, we get on most of the time.

21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
I trust everyone but as soon as they do something to break it then there’s a high chance you’re never getting my trust ever again.

22. How fast does your mind change?
Fairly slowly. I don’t tend to change my mind until I have 100% proof in front of me.

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
I bet you’re wrong.

24. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?
Yeah, haven’t been better.

25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
I think people cheat because they’re kidding themselves into thinking that they’re the only person on the planet that matters. A blind moment of self-centeredness. Maybe they’re just not happy with their relationship but that’s just kidding yourself again for being there in the first place.

26. Tell me what’s on your mind?
How cold my feet are, they got wet after sledging and it feels like my toes have frozen together.

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
Seeing people, living life and beating Nathan’s bet!

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing?
Yeah, on a few occasions. Not that I’m a cross-dresser or anything, I just get drunk a lot.

29. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
I don’t have one!

30. When is your next road trip?
I doubt it’ll be any time soon. People aren’t keen to drive on these slippery roads.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
Nope, I used to. See question 21.

32. How’s your heart?
Patched up and beating. It still works so that’s all that matters.

33. Have you ever felt like you weren’t important?
Yeah, we all do every now and again but if I’m ever in that mood I just do something that makes a statement. That turns peoples heads and shows that I still exist.

34. Do you think somebody’s in love with you?
Well ‘crush’.

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
Getting some food, a shower and a lie down.

37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Yeah, I don’t think they heard me though. (Y)

38. Who do you not get along with?
Nobody. If I don’t get along with somebody then I haven’t heard from them in a while.

39. What does you 3rd recent text say?
“Cumin rwnd qckly” which in english means ‘I’m coming round.’

40. What are you wearing right now?
Running gear, I look like a bit of a chav but it keeps me fairly warm when I’m on the snow.

42. When’s the last time you had a grilled cheese?
Not in a while and this has just gave me an idea on what I’m going to eat…

43. What’s your favorite boy and girl name right now?
George and Amy. I have no idea why to be honest.

44. How did you feel when you woke up?
I think I’ve already been asked this but yeah, happy.

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Nah, I’d rather have some peace at the moment.

46. Do you crack your knuckles?
Nope, I used to do it a lot and now it really hurts. Although my thumb does click on its own accord though.

47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
Trying to get to sleep for a non-existant school day.

48. What are your LEGAL initials?
DH. Original.

49. Who’s the first B in your contacts?
Bank. I phone them a lot more than you’d imagine.

50. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Today at plenty of folk failing at sledging. It’s painful times.

51. Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
No because I don’t have one.

52. Last awkward moment?
On the phone this morning, there was a moment of silence where nobody said anything.

53. Are you afraid of the dark?
I’m afraid of what I can’t see hiding in the dark…

54. Do you have good vision?
Apart from being colour-blind I have decent vision.

55. Have you ever tripped someone?
Yeah, not in a while though. If someone falls on ice it’s not quite as funny.

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah,  Nathan’s sexual advances had to be called to a halt.

57. Are you Irish?
I am Scottish!

58. Do you use chap stick?
No because it’s kind of feminine but I really should. My lips are torn apart right now.

59. Do you have any scars?
Yeah, I have a scar running down the back of my leg because of some piece of sharp metal. A burn on my wrist (didn’t think I needed oven gloves) and a burn on my elbow – fell into boiling water when I was wee.

60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
Yeah, doesn’t necessarily mean I’m vengeful. They’ll just never get a guilt-free pass.

62. Name the last person to text you?
I’d rather keep this one quiet for now.

63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
Not now but possibly in the future I wouldn’t see it as unreasonable.

64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
How else would I go into them?

65. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Right but I end up in the middle as the night goes on.

67. What’s the first thing you’ll do on your wedding day?
Wake up, go for a run, shower and then suit up.

68. Do you fall for people easily?
Yeah but I can do the opposite just as easily.

69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
Yeah, plenty of people actually.

70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
Not really, they used to be good. Now they’re great.

72. Song you’re thinking of right now?
Ke$ha – Tik Tok. I honestly have no idea why considering I hate that song.

73. Want someone back in your life?
No – people have left my life for good reasons. Whether I supported them reasons or not, they’re still good.

74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
I think we’re at school tomorrow so yes.

75. What’s the color of you’re shirt you are wearing?
Well it’s a white t-shirt. Part of my chavy gear.

76. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
Yeah, quite often. I like to hear Fall Out Boy on just bass guitar.

77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
It does for the moment that I find out. Then I use that ‘bother’ to do something about it.

78. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
Just about the whole of Annan does to some extent.

79. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
I’m in between. Nobody has to force me to be happy but then again I don’t walk about with a smile on my face for no reason.

80. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
No, I can do it on my own without wishing.

x

Method in this Madness

Its been a strange old night.
If you know me at all then you’ll also be aware of my twitter and facebook. Now since some people can’t stick to a private chat it means that personal business is now public. I’m not fussed – I do it on a daily basis on my own here.
The fact is that this is going to come around bite Jamie in the bum. Yes I said Jamie, even though she wants to be left well alone I figured there’s no harm in writing this if I’m already such a dick.

I (tried) to speak to her last night to be met with nothing but “Go away” and “leave me alone”. I’ve done nothing to deserve this and since this has been her regular behavior for the past couple of weeks I decided that no, I won’t be shunned for no reason.
Of course, this escalated (on her side) but I kept my cool. Publicly seen statuses such as “TAKE THE HINT” and “GO AWAY” started to flow in and since I knew exactly what they were about, I ‘liked’ them. Keep in mind I wasn’t actually talking to her now, just clicking a small button.

Now what’s so bad about a little thumbs up next to your comment?
Well apparently it’s out-of-order because the next rant was this:

“I asked you to leave me alone and you won’t, you keep “liking” everything I post and you just won’t take the hint – GO AWAY.”

This was swiftly followed by a “eurgh… FUCK OFF” and Jamie deleting me as a friend and all of these nasty comments along with it. Not a problem, I get an email when someone posts on Facebook, they’re still in my inbox.

Anyways, I wasn’t going to stop. I only wanted to speak to my friend or at least find out why she was being this hostile. On to Twitter it was then but again that devolved into petty abuse and another defriending. I won’t be surprised if MSN has went the same way but frankly I don’t care.

Sure you may be asking yourself why I’m being such as dick but you only think that because of Jamie’s behavior. Quite frankly it’s an overreaction at the least. I wanted to speak so the outcome is that she never wants to speak to me and has tossed away a friend. Hey I’m not fussed this time – no skin off my nose.
If you want to act that mental, at least make sure you have a justifiable reason to back your actions. If I wanted to talk with any other person on the planet I know that they wouldn’t disown me, even if they didn’t want to talk. The irony is lost on her when she’ll read this/ my facebook/ twitter.

I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.
x

Pffft

I guess I’m not scared anymore.

Then again, I doubt I ever really was. How can you be scared of something you don’t know you’re facing?
Well I know what I’m staring in the face now and I can’t help but laugh.

It’s like seeing a big scary shadow to find out it’s a tiny mouse causing all the fuss.
The mouse carries no weight, no dominance and no threats.
Being intimidated by something that you’re far bigger than is never going to happen.

Nice try, try harder!
x